i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
