Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
