I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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