The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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