So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize