I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
