omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
