Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
