walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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