and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
