their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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