if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
