i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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