I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
