U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
