we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
