I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
