My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
