I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
