I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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