Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
