giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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I just want to make out with him forever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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