Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
