there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
