Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
