I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
