I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
