New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
