I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
