I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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