Swine flu is the new snow day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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