If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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