I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize