We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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