Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
