My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
