Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
