he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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