Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize