Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
