I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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