Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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