the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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