Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
