I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
