I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
