theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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