First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
