he was CRYING into my vagina
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
