does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
