Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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