Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
