I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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