words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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