Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
