Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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