Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
