Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
