just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
