he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
