I cockslap morals
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
