i think my tv is drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
