I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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