i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
