ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
