just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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