Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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