I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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