Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
