thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
