Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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