If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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