I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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