She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
