I think I am morally bankrupt
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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