Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
