These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
